Suther Land

[Bridger] "Mom, did you know you're not supposed to say the "F" word?"
[me] "What's the "F" word?
[Bridger] "butt"
[me] "huh"
(Recent exchange with Bridger over breakfast where no "F" words (butt or otherwise) were even remotely being uttered. Further probing determined a 2nd-grade friend imparted this wisdom.)
So I've been thinking a lot about outside influence on my kids lately as Bridger nears the half-decade mark. I look at little Eilidh--surrounded only by immediate family for almost 100% of her life and I remember Bridger at that age too. Since I've been a mostly at-home mom for these last five years, my kids have had a fairly controlled environment. Of course, it's amazing how those influences trickle in and gradually cut their path a little wider.

I think many of you parents can relate to the moment in the second year of your firstborn's life when your child says something completely random--something that they did not see, hear or learn from you. All you can do is incredulously ask, "where did you hear that?" Then pretty soon it's commonplace. Those kind of moments don't even happen with subsequent kids--all of Bridger's worldly wisdom is trickling down to Asher and soon Eilidh with all the accuracy of playing the telephone game.

I'm not saying that outside influence is bad, in fact much of it is spectacular and necessary, but as I look at shuttling Bridger to school next year it can sometimes put me in a mild panic. I don't think he's going to be smoking behind the tricycles at kindergarten--it's more subtle. Like last week when he came home from the neighbors' house and declared that spiderman wasn't cool anymore--now he's only into Batman and Star Wars. Nevermind that he's never seen any superhero movies and is bored to tears anytime we pop in a LucasFilm.

We have great friends and great neighbors for Bridger to hang out with. Most of these parents are more conscientious than I am. (In fact, last week when I offered our neighbor a snack, he asked if it had hydrogenated oils in it because he's not allowed to eat those. One look at the permanently spreadable, non-refrigerated cheese told me I should search for something else in the cupboard that might not survive a nuclear holocaust). The point is, conscientious or not, no one can control everything that goes into their child, be it reconstituted soybean oil or a belittling comment. That scares me. But I have to trust that the influence we do have over our kids will be enough to tip the scales, that our home will still be where most of the wisdom is imparted and most of all that God is taking care of them when we're not there.

I have to remember that my "control" is really an illusion anyway.

Pass the spreadable cheese.